Give me some time. I’ll try to post an analysis soon.

regards,
Sandeep G

How can you do that? *pets her words* Words are so pretty and nice and I like them so much.

So should I try again and keep it to one sentence?

1. My biggest problem is that I cannot understand conformity, prejudice, selfishness, and human evil in general and so I tend to be rather harsh about it.

2. Being with other people can be a really joyful and spiritual thing or it can be hell, depending on context.

3. The thing I like about myself is my openness to experiencing being alive, to just feel what I feel no matter what it is.

1. My main problem is understanding the human species.

It’s like the world is this beautiful joyful awesome place and then there’s this rip in the fabric, an ugly hole where human empathy is supposed to be. There’s the warmth of the sun and the beauty of grass and trees and the sky and the love of all the other species and then there’s a cold dark place, a place of apathy and greed and selfishness and cruelty and hate.

I think that maybe that’s the last thing I have to do – I have to integrate that cold evil into the rest of it. I have to learn to accept it, not recoil from it as tendrils of hate and anger snake out of it and wrap themselves around my feet.

I have to free myself of the abyss and accept it with love for what it is before I can really get to work on it. I may be on my way out of that cave, but I am not yet fully free of it. When I am standing free and liberated in the sun, then I can turn around and face it and go into it and not so much pull people out from it as make it okay for them to walk out under their own power.

And I’m not going to do that by cursing them for choosing to stay inside.

2. Being with other people can be incredibly painful and also blindingly full of joy. Sometimes you smile at a stranger and they smile back and everything is green and golden and good and there’s love swirling all around. Other times it’s like everyone is sticking a Bendy Straw of Doom in you and sucking your energy out and you can’t stand to be around people.

3. The thing I like most about myself is…hmm. I don’t think that this is something that I like about myself. It’s more one of the experiences of living inside this particular bag of skin that I really enjoy and value.

It’s like driving my Thunderbird and slinging it through curves on a late afternoon when the sun is shining in lovely orange tones on the tops of the trees that are part of me and there is wonderful music on the radio and I roll the windows down and smell the fields and freshly cut grass while the wind lifts up my hair.

So I guess it’s my ability to sort of meld with the universe and feel such incredible joy. It’s like – when I die, I’ll know that I lived life. That I drank in the sun’s warmth, that I felt the breeze on my skin, that I noticed the leaf lying so perfectly on the pavement.

Here’s a few paragraphs I wrote a year and a half ago that I think expresses it.

I am joy. I am love. I am beautiful. I am universal.

I am child-like. I am as old as space and time.

I am whiny. I am stoic. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I say mean things about strangers, and sometimes I am so overtaken by their pain that I curl up and sob.

I can be selfish. I can erase all appearances of an ego. I am, and I am not. I am real, and then I blink and fade and come back and am real again.

I am joyful noise, and I am eternal silence.

I am emptiness and the absence of form, and I am always changing.

your responses seem to fit somewhere between the fifth and sixth stages viz. self-aware and conscientious stages. You seem to be a very self-aware person and I know that your job, which requires you to interface with a lot of people, may have a put a damper on your enthusiasm to relate to other people, but that is somehow missing from your responses. so, at fifth or sixth stage …and this is my personal opinion and I am not even a qualified psychologist, so take this with a grain of salt!!

1) To me, my greatest problem is consistently matching my actions with my values. I have an idea of who I want to develop into and manifest in the world and my actions do not always match this. Sometimes I can, but often I don’t.
2) Being with other people for me has become less compelling than it used to be since starting my new line of work. My job is very people intensive and I need a lot of ‘down time’ or recovery time, time to spend by myself.
3) The thing I like about myself is that I am very reflective about my life. I think a lot about my personal development, about how I show up in the world, about how to be responsible for my thoughts and actions, about creating and responding to my life deliberately.

So will you publish your response to my posting on this website so that I will know what you think?